What is it like being a mom with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? That is the journey I have been on everyday since becoming a mother. OCD is characterized by persistent, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) that individuals feel compelled to perform in response to those thoughts. For mothers, these symptoms can intensify when caring for their children, leading to feelings of guilt, stress, and isolation.
Every afternoon upon returning home from work, I engage in a series of cleaning tasks that include sanitizing kitchen countertops, mopping the kitchen and laundry room floors, wiping down the coffee table, sanitizing door knobs and refrigerator handles, and vacuuming the entire house. In addition to these daily responsibilities, I maintain a rotation of deep cleaning tasks throughout the week, such as dusting furniture, cleaning baseboards, and moving furniture to clean beneath it.
I have been managing Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) since middle school, which means that for over 20 years, it has significantly influenced my life and thought processes. My OCD developed as a response to childhood trauma, causing me to rely on obsessions and compulsions to create a sense of control in my environment. This disorder can be quite debilitating and has the potential to detract from many joyful moments if not carefully managed.
Since becoming a parent, navigating my OCD has presented new challenges. It is important to acknowledge that OCD does not simply dissipate, nor can one readily dismiss the intrusive thoughts associated with it. Motherhood is already a role that demands significant emotional and physical energy, and for those with OCD, the pressure to meet societal expectations of parenting while managing their mental health can feel particularly daunting.
After work or a weekend event, I often feel pressured to return home and complete my routine tasks, which I refer to as “chores.” However, I have come to understand that I am often rushing home to fulfill a compulsion in an attempt to alleviate the overwhelming anxiety I experience. Through therapy I have learned that engaging in these compulsive behaviors only perpetuates a cycle of new obsessions and compulsions.
The impact of my OCD on my parenting is significant. One of the most notable effects is that it often consumes the time I would otherwise spend playing with my children. Instead of being fully present while my son colors a picture for me, I find myself in the kitchen cleaning countertops or vacuuming.
There have been moments when I wish I could simply sit on the floor and play with my daughter, but the intrusive thoughts concerning household organization take precedence, leaving me compelled to address these obsessions in order to feel some relief. And yes I do get relief when I perform my daily chores, but I trade off the precious moments with my children.
The struggle to manage these overpowering thoughts and compulsions often leads to feelings of frustration with myself for not being able to stop or control them. I also experience guilt, believing that I may not be meeting expectations as a wife or parent if I do not maintain a clean home. I frequently question, “Who would want a mother who does not clean and sanitize the countertops daily?”
Parenting with OCD means that I am constantly learning and adjusting. Through therapy I have learned that OCD does play tricks on your mind and you can train your brain to not partake in the obsessions and compulsions. However, I have also learned that managing OCD is a process and I have to give myself grace. I am learning that a clean house isn’t what makes me a good mother. What makes me a good mother is showing up, even on the messy days.
If you experience challenges with OCD as I do, I encourage you to focus on the strategies I have learned. We can overcome these difficulties.
Elise Sutton
Elise Sutton is a local writer specializing in mental health and parenting. A wife and mother of two, she is passionate about raising awareness that many people navigate mental health challenges while still leading successful and meaningful lives.
